I was listening to one of my favorite YouTube channels and I had to stop because I didn’t agree on their point of view.
One of the things that they were saying is that when you are disconnected from yourself you don’t know where you are and I said, that’s right! How many of us had the privilege of knowing who we are or to know our purpose? I didn’t. I was blind and as many people I went through life just crashing in to many experiences and without knowing what was the best thing to choose.
I had the wonderful experience to go to University and study what I love, but it took me months to discover my true calling and one of my first passions in life: colors and communication. I remember after High School I spend days just trying to figure out what was my next step in life. My dad was a very wise man and he gave me a little push and told me that I had to go to work, so I start looking for a job and I remember filling out an application and writing all my studies and I had one of my fist aha moments when I realize I could work on my second passion: teaching. And 2 days later one of my best friends of school calls me to lets me know about an opening in a school for me to teach. When I told my dad, he was very happy and proud. It was a great experience and it helped me to know and to be more clear to what I wanted in life. Study Graphic Design.
It was challenging but very rewarding to be able to graduate and I just can’t stop designing, You see, one of the things that my dad taught me is that I had to find something that could make me very happy and love working on it. And that same thing I teach my boys to find their passion and work on it.
But my life was not all roses, my life was like a rose itself, with thorns and exquisite smell that when I was able to take the thorns out, the perfume is still present in my life.
I could be writing and making you cry of all my misadventures, but I realize that my purpose is to be able to put a smile in your face and bring back hope in your life. Thanks to my out bring I’ve being able to live my duality and find the blessings in disguise in my life and work in me to become who I am.
My mom is a very important part of this, she was an alcoholic, when I was 8 years old she tried to kill herself with pills. All is vague but I remember most of it and later on she became alcoholic. Growing up with her was hard and heartbreaking because you see how one of the people you love the most in the world destroys herself and there was nothing I could do. My dad and the rest of my brothers and sister didn’t want to recognized the problem, they just ignored it till they saw it coming many years later.
My mom even though she had that problem she was an amazing person. She was funny, caring and one of the things she taught me the most was forgiveness. I was able to heal and forgive her before I got married and came to America. She cared a lot for me and my boys and supported me all the way. I lost her in 2009, all those years drinking had cause her body to develop cancer and a tumor from the throat down to the stomach and in a month we lost her. She gave us enough time to make peace and prepare for her departure.
She was waiting for me, she had lost her voice and even though she wanted to ask for forgiveness, I already had, I understood her completely, loved her and told her that she was the mother I needed. My mom helped me to become who I am today. And those years when I saw her drunk I promised myself I was going to be a better mom for my kids, I was not going to hurt them as my mom did. Now that I have my own kids, I was not going to drink at all. I don’t drink at all, I’m always the designated driver. My ex husband used to drink heavily, I realize that sometimes you choose unconsciously what you are used to. Now I realized I tried to “save” him. One of my lessons with him was that I couldn’t rescue anyone who didn’t want to be rescued.
We all have our own timing and we all need to make our own decisions. It’s not that there is a book written with all the things that we have to live or suffer. We are writing the book of our lives every day, every moment, with our actions, with our words and with our feelings.
Life is like school, we all are learning, our experiences are the ones that show us how we are doing and our consequences are the blessings in disguise. It is hard to figure out what to do and where to go if we keep ignoring our intuition, our heart and our head. They will tell you the right way if you listen carefully and I can tell you that sometimes you hear a whisper from a tinny a voice telling you the right path, it is when you need to turn on your ears and listen. That is why going out to be in touch with Nature helps you to listen better, meditation, yoga or tai chi are very helpful as well.
For me growing up with my mom was challenging but I thank her for that. She is in heaven now, but I know when I have my challenges I always dream about her and she is supporting, cheering and caring. I might not be able to listen to her or hug her, but she is here with me and I’m thankful for that.
We all have our battles, our challenges and we are not going to learn from them till we make peace with them, until we forgive, until we decide to let that dark past stay in the past. We can’t rebuild the present with the ashes of the past, we need to start a new beginning and that is why we have a new day every day, a new opportunity to be happy, to be grateful, to feel the love inside and out of us because we are the creators of our lives, we are the architects of our own destiny and only you will know what is right for you, only you will know the right answer and as my teachers told me once, ” you are the responsible of our own destiny, no one is going to walk your footsteps or make your own path”. We are the ones who leave our footstep behind us. And my question for you is: What kind of footstep you want to leave behind?”
Forgive yourself, forgive others, forgive your past, find the peace inside of you so you can build a castle you are proud of, a legacy to your kids and family. That is our main purpose in life.
With love and light